Random Thoughts...

To begin by mixing my pop culture references, Xander once told Willow, "You have too many thoughts" and right now there are a lot of ins, a lot of outs, a lot of what have yous going on in the old Duder's head.

But here goes...

I hadn't gotten a whiff of Carl Pavono's pre-emptive Tommy John surgery until Teddy mentioned it. This is the most hilarious thing I have ever heard that I haven't said myself. I mean, it's like giving a nun breast implants. "Hey, you're not using them now, they're not going to be of use to anyone later, but why not?"

I'm also looking for some clarity on the exact situation regarding the Rocket's return to the Bronx. I had seen a headline from Joe "I'm-the-greatest-second-baseman-ever-so-I-must-have-something-insightful-to-say-about-basebal" Morgan, regarding Clemens' decision not to travel with the team, and how it would be harmful. So does Clemens' only pitch at home game for the Yankees' this season? I mean, if I was making $4.5 million dollars a month, I could pay off my credit card debts, buy my cats nice toys, and install a PBR tap in my apartment, so lord knows what the Rocket is doing with his paychecks.

I think this pretty much negates the whole, "Clemens as a positive clubhouse influence" put forth by Teddy. I mean, the guy isn't going to be there when he isn't pitching, and the days he is there I'm sure he'll be all locked-in and T-1000 about his business, so how can he really influence the other players?

I'm sure this will be spun appropriately by the usual Yankee mouthpieces. Torre and Jeter will both say something to the effect of, "If the Rocket could telecommute and throw strikes while sitting on his couch eating pig's knuckles and drinking Miller High Life we'd still be thrilled to have him," but I just don' t see him having an influence on the overall team chemistry. The fact that it sounds like he's only going to show up for home games in the Bronx makes him sound even more mercenary than ever.

And what's the statute of limitations on all of this? If the Yankees are on a road trip to Arlington and his turn comes up, does he start then? Is his pitching in the World Series conditional on the Yankees playing the Astros?

I also can't let Teddy's "Yankees who returned during the dynasty" comments slide. Two of those players (Homer Bush and David Wells) were in fact the same two players that the Yankees' traded to Toronto when the Rocket was in his whole "I'm-going-to-orchestrate-my-way-out-of-Toronto" phase.

By way of making a snide comments - the closest Homer Bush could get to a Homer was his first name. And if you want to say anything about his last name and his luck with the ladies... well, you get the idea.

To switch gears - steroids have been the primary story in baseball for awhile now. I'll make my token defense of David Ortiz's comments by pointing out that A) the guy will say pretty much anything to anyone; B) the story came out of the Boston Herald, which is only slightly less credible than the National Enquirer; and C) Ortiz has been actively working to prevent steroid use by amateur players in the Dominican since at least 2004. Apparently, unscrupulous agents will give kids vials they claim contain steroids, and contain something horrifically toxic and lethal to inject, such as horse urine.

So that was a tangent - the point is, we have Barry Bonds grinding his way towards the home run record (I fully expect him to get to #754 and then be intentionally walked for the rest of his career) and Sammy Sosa flailing away in pursuit of HR #600.

Sosa's pursuit makes me think of two guys. There's Dave Kingman - who, with 442 HRs (against 1816 Ks) long held the record for the guy with the most career home runs who had not been elected to the Hall of Fame. His natural position was DH, even though he did spend time in the NL (in fact, he played with 4 teams - the Mets, Padres, Angels, and Yankees - in 1977) but no one would ever confuse him with a Hall of Famer.

The guy who trumped his record was Jose Canseco - whose last few comeback attempts were mainly geared at pushing him over the 500 HR mark. At that point, Canseco was defying HOF voters from denying a 500 HR guy a place in Cooperstown. (At last count, he has 462 HRs)

Sosa seems to be pushing the envelope further, defying the voters to deny him after 600 HRs and retiring 5th on the all-time list.

Which makes me wonder, what of the third player in the unholy trinity of obvious steroid abusers?

No, I'm not talking about Jason Giambi (he's more the John the Baptist of this scenario) - I'm taling about Big Mac.

What I'm waiting for is the erstwhile A's and Cardinals slugger's inevitable comeback as...

A Pitcher.

Picture it: With Chris Carpenter out until about Labor Day, Tony Larussa needs an ace. Can't you imagine Big Mac stepping into the rotation, reeling off a couple of 15 K starts, and then responding to the press:

"I'm not here to talk about the past."

On a last note, I would like to mention George Steinbrenner's recent and little-seen press conference, regarding Joe Torre.

The Boss deflected questions about the future of his club's manager, and instead talked about upgrading the current lineup.

He then pulled a telegram (email is too modern for him) from his pocket, and read the following words:

"Put Rickey in, Rickey's ready to play."